AQUAMARINE
By José Pedrero.
Chapter I: Waves.
I had left this place 5 years ago. I did what every 18 year old high school kid had only read and dreamt of doing: I abandoned this small, boring, piss-smelling town to go and seek the great perhaps in a much bigger, ambitious, alive city. Well, at least that’s how I liked to put it back then. To be completely honest it wasn’t even a great adventure I was setting off to. It was only university I had to attend, and my independence was limited to the amount of money I could spend and still have enough to eat a proper meal, if a bunch of packages of frozen food could even be considered meals. The so called “dream” only lasted a year and half until I realized I was nowhere. I was so unhappy and alone that I began to truly miss the beer-drinking, ever-dancing, baseball enthusiast coastal town which held the people and moments I treasured the most within its limits. The urgency to go home led me to leave unfinished all those things I started when I went to the city. It’s been 3 and a half years since that and now I found love in the little things that the sea offers me: its beaches, cold early morning breezes and I am particularly fond of the sound of the waves when they come crashing before us. The sea embraces this town and it’s up to us to either accept it and give the love back or pretend like it’s not giving us all we need.
As I said, I had left this place before but now I’m back. If I was ever to leave again I promise it wouldn’t be for too long.
Chapter II: Miseria.
I used to be more popular before leaving, at least people knew who I was because of some random school events I participated in. But in this day and age you’re supposed to be doing things all the time so people think you’re relevant, someone to follow. So when you become absent or inactive for the shortest time, you pretty much bury yourself into oblivion. That’s what happened to me… that or the “magic” that kept people around disappeared.
I expected my friends would be waiting for me to arrive, that they would want to hang out for weeks and catch up to all the time that had passed but the truth is I was alone. Ironic enough, one of the reasons I had come back was to stop feeling like there was no one I could go to and have fun with and that was exactly what I found in this place: solitude.
I got back into university, now in my hometown, and through exercise and French lessons it was time for me to better myself a little bit. I learned new things, met new people and tried out a few things I hadn’t done before. I was fine for the most part but I still felt something was missing.
Let me confess something, although I’m sure this could apply to anyone, I don’t find much pleasure in doing things if I can’t share them with someone, that’s why loneliness hits me hard. And all of the change I had gone through was just for me to avoid boredom and that doesn’t satisfy me. I need someone to do things for, a reason to keep doing what I do and to change it up every once in a while. Sure, a few girls had been here before but they were only temporary, illusions of my own head or simply not worthy of all I ever did to try and make them happy. Really, they just made me miserable.Twenty-something years had gone by without me finding a real, honorable muse and the number only seemed to go higher.
Chapter III: Sunday Morning.
Growing up I was the one kid that would never drink, smoke or do drugs at parties. I had strong beliefs about that. My friends used to say I would stop functioning properly the moment alcohol made contact with my lips and I took pride out of it. Without a reason to really care for my well-being, I thought it wouldn’t be a bad idea to see what all the fuss was about, in the end, alcohol would only help me meet more people and who knows, maybe I would be lucky enough to find a girl to call my own. And honestly, I wish I had never tried a single drop of it. The parties I started attending to were full of shady, bored and boring, uninteresting people which were full of themselves, talking big about things they didn’t know about, and don’t you dare correcting them cause they weren’t kind to those contradicting their opinions. What’s worse is that I became one of them. I would try to make my way into girls, talking about everything I was doing at the moment, as if it were a big deal. And these girls would only laugh at me behind my back. I even got into fights with total strangers because I didn’t like the way they acted. It was the lowest I had ever been, and all of that weight I had lost came back little by little. Time went both fast and slow spending my days pretending everything was alright even though everybody knew I was in trouble. My friends didn’t say a word but I know they didn’t mean no harm, in fact they were there to help. If only I had had someone to stop me from doing this to myself, to make me feel like I mattered.
Chapter IV: Vessel.
Local bars are the perfect place to be alone and have a couple beers by yourself without feeling depressed, La Querencia is the one you could usually find me at. There’s a lot of people my age, having a good time with their friends or their couple. It’s not an exceptional bar that you could find in the top spots to visit in Mazatlan, but it’s got a good location in the cultural center of the city, the food is alright and the general atmosphere is almost always good. Every once in a while, La Querencia becomes the stage where some local rock bands play. My generation was one of the last ones in the city to have a real interest in the rock and alternative cultures so I got friends that still play in bands trying to “make it”, and we are loyal to them so we come and support what they do. The problem with that is that we almost always see the same people there, and it gets boring. But two months ago, something happened.
We were at a friend’s gig, ukulele based pop-rock music... cute stuff, but there was a new face sitting at our table: she was a short haired brunette of round green-ish blue eyes, chubby cheeks and a beauty mark under her bottom lip wearing a dress that sort of matched her eye color and a black leather jacket over it. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. My friends and I were having dumb conversations about zombie movies and which one had the most scary ones, which is an usual conversation for us, and I noticed this girl was quiet and probably dying of boredom. I asked for her opinion and just as if I had pressed a very important, do-not-even-think-about-it, red button; she started going on and on about it. Her voice was sweet and I couldn’t help but listen to her and take it all in.
I am a very loud, outspoken person but for some reason I couldn’t bring myself to speak anymore. I became a mute whose only job was to pay attention and analyze every movement she made. Something drove me crazy, though. She seemed to be very open about everything regarding culture and hobbies, however when the talk got too personal, she kept to herself and instead waited for the topic to change again. She wasn’t only gorgeous, she was also cool and mysterious but I knew she was fragile, she seemed to do so too. I got extremely nervous and decided to go back home earlier than usual, confused by how calm and excited I felt and that is simply something that doesn’t really ever happen to me. I believed I was in front of who they call “the one”. I regretted not staying and after thinking about her the rest of that night, the next one, the entire week, I even started fantasizing about her and how we could probably do each other good. This made me feel stupid since we had only met once and I didn’t even ask any meaningful things to her. I was determined to meet her again and so I asked my friends for her name and number. After two weeks of thinking about her all day we finally had a date. Where? By the sea, of course.
Chapter V: Aquamarine.
“How about 4:30 pm on saturday at Olas Altas? The sun has started to go down and it’s not so crowded at that time.” And so we met. She was wearing black jeans, a black t-shirt that had the logo of our friend’s band on it, a pair of wine red converse sneakers and her trademark black leather jacket. I was nervous, but I was also eager to get to know more about her. We went to get something to drink. I kind of wanted to have a beer but she bought a bottle of water and I followed because I didn’t want to cause a bad impression. We sat with our sights pointed at the sunset and so it began.
- Why did you want to see me? - She said
- Err… I… I really… enjoyed listening to you speak about random stuff that day.
- Is that really it?
- Yeah
- I don’t buy it.
- Why?
She took a big breath and with a serious look on her face said:
- Because there must be a reason for it! I didn’t come here just to kill time. I can do that at home quite easily.
- Whoa, that’s harsh.
- I’m sorry
- No, I’m sorry--
- It’s just that… Listen, I went to that gig because the twins told me they wanted me to meet someone. I’d been pretty much hibernating for months now, bored of nightlife and the people that do nothing but drinking the weekend away. I just stayed at home to read, and watch series.
- Huh, I wish I could get away from it all too but I am one of those boring people you talk about
- Wait you’re not getting it, are you?
- What?
- They wanted me to meet you
- Oh that.... I did get it, it’s just that I don’t see why they would want you to meet me.
- You’re just proving their point. They told me you were a great guy but didn’t realize how much you were worth.
- But I’m not that great of a---
- Okay, I hope this isn’t an act. Even if it is, I’ll tell you something cause I don’t want to waste our time. Do you remember how I wasn’t speaking for the longest time until you asked me to do it?
- Yeah
- That’s because I was paying attention to you. Sure, you were talking about what you thought aliens looked like and how the zombies from that Korean movie were the scariest thing ever. Silly stuff, no doubt about it but I was having fun even if you couldn’t notice it. I… I… I thought “You know what? Maybe the twins were right… he’s kind of cute.” But then… then, right when I joined the conversation, you decided to keep quiet and then you left early. I felt a bit disappointed you see? That’s why I came here today. To see if you were truly as funny as they said and as you hinted at that night. I saw you got heart, and there’s only a few people that are able to transmit that.
I took a moment to process what I had just heard and looked at her face. Remember I thought she was fragile? Well, I don’t do so anymore. She had somehow destroyed me.
She was staring directly at me expecting some kind of answer or any utterance from my mouth. And even though the sun was coloring orange the scene: the sea, the people, the sky, the cars, the music coming from the restaurants and even myself… Everything became decoration to the green-ish blue of her eyes that shone brighter. Two aquamarine crystals, that’s what they were.
- Enough, tell me something now or I’ll leave.- She said.
I felt confidence fill my body. I might had been over-reacting but somehow what she just told me brought joy to my heart, someone was giving me a chance. And she was more than just a pretty face, she was also healthy and direct. I hadn’t felt like this in a while. I really wanted this and so I replied.
- That’s the same reason I kept quiet and left early. I wanted to see who you were, how you spoke, what faces you made when telling or hearing a joke but you just were too much.
- You’re going a little bit fast there, buddy. But I’m glad I got you to talk now.
- I don’t care if I’m going fast. I’ve hit rock bottom before and I need someone to give me a little bit of hope. That’s what I see in you. So at least play along, please.
- You are too dramatic, but also very cute. Let’s go get some tacos and talk, okay?
I decided to slow down a bit and so, we spent the rest of the night talking about ourselves. Who we were, what childhood was like, who we wanted to be. We drowned ourselves in each other.
Chapter VI: Just Maybe.
It’s been a month and a half since we truly met. We’ve gone to the movies, we’ve danced at parties, we’ve sung countless songs together and I couldn’t be happier. The truth is she’s become what I had been missing. I do a lot more things than I did only a couple months ago. I am trying to get back in shape, the gym’s still a scary place for me, but it’s kind of fun. I’ve just finished my French course but I still ne pourrais pas parler en français même si ma vie en dépendait. I’m even taking guitar lessons so I can write some songs for her.
I adore how hopeful I am now that I have her close to me but I’m not so sure if she plans on staying. I really hope she does… but even if she doesn’t I will forever have the sea.
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Esta pequeña historia está inspirada en las canciones que
compuse para mi proyecto musical, en el EP "Aguamarina"
Escucha en YouTube:
Stream en Soundcloud:
